Jokes

• A farmer in the country has a watermelon patch and upon inspection he discovers that some of the local kids have been helping themselves to a feast.
  The farmer thinks of ways to discourage this profit-eating situation. So he puts up a sign that reads: “WARNING! ONE OF THESE WATERMELONS CONTAINS CYANIDE!”
  He smiled smugly as he watched the kids run off the next night without eating any of his melons.
  The farmer returns to the watermelon patch a week later to discover that none of the watermelons have been eaten, but finds another sign that reads: “NOW THERE ARE TWO!”

• An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy.
  He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, “Pull, Nellie, pull.” Buddy didn’t move.
  Then the farmer hollered, “Pull, Buster, pull.” Buddy didn’t respond.
  Once more the farmer commanded, “Pull, Jennie, pull.” Nothing.
  Then the farmer nonchalantly said, “Pull, Buddy, pull.” And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.
  The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.
  The farmer said, “Oh, Buddy is blind, and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn’t even try!”

• 
  A couple of old guys were golfing when one said he was going to Dr. Taylor for a new set of dentures in the morning.
  His friend remarked that he had gone to the same dentist a few years before. “Is that so?” the first said. “Did he do a good job?”
  “Well, I was on the course yesterday when the fellow on the ninth hole hooked a shot,” he said. “The ball most have been going 200 mph when it hit me in the stomach. That,” he added, “was the first time in two years my teeth didn’t hurt.”